Funny Christmas Quotes

We've listed the funniest Christmas quotes we could find.

The best quotes we could find about Christmas.

Fun Christmas Quotes

1. "Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year." - Victor Borge
2. "Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." - Larry Wilde
3. "Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?" – Bart Simpson






4. "There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
5. "People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas." - Unknown
6. "It's a right blinding Christmas this has turned out to be, innit! I mean, some people get wise men bearing gifts; we get a wally with a disease!" - Del Boy, 'Only Fools and Horses'
7. "One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly." - Andy Rooney
8. "I’d rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards." - Paul O’Grady
9. "You can't fool me, there ain't no Sanity Clause." - Chico Marx
10. "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases." - Bridger Winegar
11. "I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying ‘toys not included.'" - Bernard Manning
12. "Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time." - Douglas Coupland
13. "Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven." - W.C. Fields
14. "I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." - Shirley Temple
15. "Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp." - Melanie White






16. "There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?" - Conan O’Brien
17. "One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books." – Professor Dumbledore in 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone'
18. “How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?” – Santa Claus in 'Home Alone'